Christmas is near [just for fun]

I originally wrote this in the 90's, but thought, what the heck.

Just before Christmas
[Apologizing to Clement Moore and Dr Suess]

Tis just before Christmas, and packed is my house.
With all of the in-laws of my sweet spouse.
There's Uncle Jimmy, boy, he's such a peach.
He tries to grope anyone who comes within reach.
Aunt Sadie is at the mirrow, putting on a new face.
The woman has jowls, half down to her waist.
I ask my sister-in-law Janet, what gift she'd like most.
She says "A naked Marine, wearing two slices of toast."
Cousin Eddie is mad, to him nothing is funny.
Just got thru telling him, no more loaning him money.
My neices and nephews are out neath the stars.
Roaming the neighborhood, stripping parked cars.
I walk in the kitchen, where my dear lady is working.
There are chores to be done, not an in-law is lurking.
With a hug and a kiss, she says 'Patience my dear".
They won't come back, this is the last year.
For now we are rich, the lottery has been won.
Soon we will be leaving, as if shot from a gun.
Now the turkey is brown, the gravy is poured.
My in-laws all gather in a ravening horde.
They swarm round the table, and begin to feast.
Like vultures in Kenya, round a dead wildebeast.
And from my table, there arises quite a clatter.
As the last sucked-clean bone falls back on the platter.
Now upon one great question, doth my sanity hinge.
Will this be the year that I get my revenge?
For all of the times they have come into my life.
Causing stress and bad feeling to me and my wife.
Now my in-laws fall down, some try to hollar.
And i know the poison was worth every dollar.
All our bags are packed, we are well on our way.
I feel there is but one thing left I should say.
As our plane lands in Rio, and we get off of the flight.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.